Harry, this is not Dreamgirls!

They told me it had c-c-colored
Folk in it, Rhonda
And that's always a sure sign of good, solid
Musical entertainment! How was I supposed to
Know they'd be this ugly?

They pissed on us
Harry! they fuckin' pissed on us!
Look at my fox!

I know, dearbut they pissed on me toohe
Did say they were incontinent!

Just smell this! I think we should get out of
Here before they do something else to us!

Leave? Now? At these ticket
Prices? Just hold your
Horses! And it probably wasn't real piss
Only theater piss! They probably have
A formula some special stuff
Comes out right out of the fur with woolite

What's happened to broadway
Harry? Used to be you could
Come to one of these
Things and the wind would be
Rushing down the plain
Or a fairy on a string would go over the
Audiencebut now Harry I ask
You is this entertainment?

You're absolutely correct
Dear! So far we haven't seen a
Single good-looking pair of legsa
Single sequin-encrusted whatchamacallit
No firm, rounded breasts!
This show is a disaster, Rhonda
A complete and utter disaster!

M-m-m-m! say derehey! umm hmm!
Thass right! hey
You! you two ugly white folksover heahhh!

As you know
De presence of carboniferous hard-core
Unemployables has gen'rally, in
De historical past
Guaranteed an evenin' of upliftin'
Frolic and cavortmentit'd
Be a shame fo y'all t'miss
On dis here one! got some nice chairs fo' ya
Rights ovuh heahhh

Uhhhbeg pardon? What's going on here?

Oh! they're touching me! Harry!
Harry! Harry! Harry
Do something! They're putting chains on
Me! I'll be stuck to
The chair! Oh! What'll I
Do? I'll miss intermission!

They're only 'theater chains'
Rhonda! just some sort of

These are real goddam chains, harry
And they're not gonna come off with woolite!

I don't mind the way they
Feelthey don't bother me
Honeyrelax! Go with the flow

Harry, you are an over-educated shit head!

Look here, folksdis only fo yo own
Protexium! once we gets rollin' heah
Things be happnin' all over de place
Dat could prove dangerous to
Persons not previously acquainted wit de
San Quentim mashed potatoes!

I want the wind to come rushing
Down the plain! I want fairies
On a string over the audience! I
Want real broadway entertainment! feathers!
Spot-lights! guilt! hours upon
Hours of guilt! About my mother! about my
Father! about brave women, suffering at
The hands of infantile, insensitive
Dominating men! and what do I get? a potato
Headed jig-a boo with Catholic
Clothes on! incomprehensible
Duck lips! weak bladders draining through
Abnorminably large organs! Jesus
Harry! What the fuck is going on here?

Simmer down! If you'll just roll with
The punchesand don't rock the boat
I'm sure we'll have a lovely
Evening at the theater!

Thass right! we got fairies on a string fo
Yo ass jes' a little later! meanwhile
I b'lieves y'all requires some
Updatement on de
Co-log-nuh situatium! sister Ob'dewlla
'X'! express yo'seff!

Copyright: Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Writer(s): Frank Zappa