Can I introduce myself?
I'm a man of panache and wealth
Sound in mind, body, soul and health
Why I wanna kill my wife?
I have this urge to take her life

Been planing for years to get rid of her
Not divorce, I really do mean to kill her
She's so full of useless information and trivia
That's why I wanna kill my wife
I have a duty to take her life

Her stupid friends get right up my nose
They all wear annoyingly sensible clothes
They're all so bleeding grandiose
You know why I should kill her friends
They're all driving Mercedes Benz

He'll escape down into Mexico
Sell the house and find a nice young girl
He'll laugh and sing and he won't work anymore

Should I string her up or strangle her in bed?
Suffocate that little venomous head
Or perhaps I'll just whip her to death
Listen, do me a favor, kill my wife

Do it for mankind, take her life
Or should I act quite cold and deliberate
Or maybe blow out her brains with a bullet?
They'll think suicide, they won't know who done it
I'm gonna kill my wife, I'm really gonna take her life

He'll escape down into Mexico
Go down into Mexico
Sell the house and find a nice young girl
Find a nice young girl
He'll laugh and sing and he won't work no more

The moment of truth has come
I'm at the point of no return
I've got my hands locked round her throat
I'm about to kill my wife

Don't stop me now, I'm gonna take her life
Too late now, I'm gonna kill my wife
Can't help myself, I'm gonna take her life

Telephone rang and he woke from his sleep
His wife snoring soundly next to him
It was all a very nasty dream

Copyright: Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Writer(s): GARY GRAINGER, GARY WILLIAM GRAINGER, JIM CREGAN, KEVIN SAVIGAR, KEVIN STUART JAMES SAVIGAR, PHILIP CHEN, ROD STEWART, STEVE HARLEY