It was the biggest cock you'd ever seen,
But you've no idea where that cock has been.
You said you were careful - you never were with me.
I heard you did it four times but johnnies come in packs of three.

She was the best shag I'd ever had.
That doesn't mean I'm saying, bedwise, you were bad.
I think you were working, we got a hotel.
We didn't have anything but I thought I might as well.

I never told you the rest.
I was drunk and I told you I was thinking about a test.
You know I just said it for effect.
Then you laughed and said I'd fuck anything in a skirt once I'm erect.

And she's a famous harlot in this town.
I know enough to, but still I couldn't turn her down.
You said I'm an arsehole, what was I thinking?
It's far too easy to blame it on the drinking.

Copyright: BMG Rights Management
Writer(s): Aidan Moffat, Malcolm Middleton