Guys, Michael Bolton is here
Oh great, send him in
Hey guys (hey, thanks for coming!)
Sorry I'm late
I just got caught up watching the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon
Have you seen those things?
Oh yeah, yeah, those are, those are great
Well, I checked out the track and I loved it
And I wrote you this big, sexy hook
I think you're gonna really dig
Oh wow, that's great (awesome)
Should we just lay it down?
Boys, let's get to it (to it, to it, to it)

Here we go
Uh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton (yeah)
The night starts now
Together on the track, the boys are back
The night starts now
Night starts now, baby, roll with us
Chickens snapping at the neck when we rollin' up (rollin' up!)
Blow through the doors, ain't no holdin' up
Black Card at the bar like I gives a fuck (come on)

Ladies shifty eyed when we walk into the set
Fuck the fellas looking jealous
Play the back and get wet (yeah, yeah)
Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock
You either get cut, get stuffed or get shot

This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow
Pirate so brave on the seven seas (what?)
A mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga
Raven locks sway on the ocean's breeze

Yeah, that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club
Buying up the bar so the groupies show us love (Keira Knightley!)
Motherfucking ice-man, I'm the top gunner
Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner (Jack Sparrow!)

Watch it girl, 'cause I ain't your "Mr. Nice Guy"
More like the "meet ya, take you home and fuck you twice guy" (yeah yeah)
All dressed up with nowhere to run
And now I make you feel crazy with the- (now back to the good part!)

From the day he was born
He yearned for adventure (no!)
Old Captain Jack (yeah)
Giving them what for
He's the pauper of the surf
The jester of Tortuga (0h God)
But is Davy Jones' locker
What lies in store? (Yeah, we've seen the movie)

Throw your hands in the air
And say hells yeah, c'mon
Captain Jack (what?)
Johnny Depp (no)

From the front to the back
Say we count stacks, c'mon
Davy Jones (nope) giant squid (wrong)
Michael Bolton, we're really gonna need you to focus up

Roger that let me try it with another film (wait)
Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (not better)
Though I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed
I give Jenny all my love (come on)
Okay, then I'm a legal aid
Erin Brockovich is my name (oh God)
Then you can call me Scarface
Snortin' mountains of cocaine (close enough)

You cockroaches wanna play rough?
Okay, I'm reloaded! Ha ha!

This is the tale of Tony Montana
Cubano flame with the Miami nuts (take it home)
Got a basehead wife
But her womb is polluted
This whole town's a pussy
Just waiting to get fucked (just waiting to get fucked

(Okay, it turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile)
You complete me (yeah, yeah, okay)

Copyright: Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Writer(s): Akiva Schaffer, Andrew Samberg, Jorma Taccone, Michael Woods