Sittin' with the fat man
Tryin' to get a loan
Talkin' about horses
And the women that we've known

He was spittin' on the sidewalk
Squintin' into the sun
Greetin' all the people
Smilin' at everyone

I said "Hey listen Fat Man
I just can't get a break
Must I pay my whole life long
For just one mistake?

"My brother's in the armed forces
My sister is in jail
Won't you give me fifty dollars
So I can pay her bail?"

He said "You can't fool the Fat Man
No, you can't fool me
You're just a two-bit grifter
And that's all you'll ever be"

Copyright: Universal Music Publishing Group
Writer(s): RANDY NEWMAN