Well, it's a little late for Christmas
But have one anyway
And while I'm on the subject, baby
Have a happy birthday

How's your father?
How's your mom?
Don't it make you itch a little
You know they've got the bomb?

Boy, it's been weird out here lately
But I guess that's okay too
'Cause television's here to save us
And tell us what to do

Kojak, Kojak, Kojak, Columbo
Sell me an old one
Sell 'em some gumbo
Tell me a new one
At least once a night
Show me an old one
But don't turn out your love light

You've got nineteen inches, baby, that's a real good size
I could lie there on the floor and just look at you all night long
I could just twist your knobs right off and fool around with you
I don't need no TV guide to tell me what to do

Kojak, Kojak, Kojak,Columbo
Sell me an old one, sell me some gumbo
Tell me a new one, at least once a night
Tell me an old one but save out your love light

Uh-huh, and when I get too old, too old to rock and roll
I'll sit in my unrockin' chair, babe, and use my remote control

Kojak, Kojak, Kojak, Columbo
Sell me an old one, sell me some gumbo
Tell me a new one, at least once a night
Show me an old one but don't turn out your love light

You've got nineteen inches, baby, that's a real good size
I'd like to poke my eyes inside you, baby, and just look around
I love your cute little rabbit ears, I love your cable and your box
And when I turn out the light at night, baby

Copyright: BMG Rights Management, Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Writer(s): HARRY EDWARD NILSSON, HARRY NILSSON