When I was walking down the street, a billboard caught my eye.
The advertisement written there would make you laugh and cry.
The sign was torn and tattered from the storm the night before,
And as I gazed upon it, well, this is what I sawr:

Smoke Coca-Cola cigarettes. Drink Wrigley's Spearmint beer.
Ken-L-Ration dog food makes your wife's complexion clear.
Chew chocolate-covered mothballs -- they're sure to satisfy.
Brush your teeth with Lifebuoy soap and watch the suds go by.

When I recovered from the sock, I went along my way.
I'd gone no further than a block, when there to my dismay,
Another billboard caught my eye, just like the one before,
As I gazed upon it, well, this is what I sawr:

Take your next vacation in a brand-new Frigidaire.
Learn to play piano in your winter underwear.
Simonize your baby with a Hershey's candy bar,
And see the difference that Drano makes in all the movie stars!

Doctors say that babies shouldn't smoke 'til they are three.
People over 35, take baths in Lipton Tea.
Oh, you can make America a better place today --
Just buy a copy of this song and throw it far away!

Copyright: BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Writer(s): CHARLES GREAN, CY COBEN