I'm going down to church tonight
Take me back to when I was eight
But I don't mean to pray
I'm gonna nick the collection plate

I've got nothing against church
Or any people that go there and show that
They're ignorant, I don't understand
A congregation at weekends can change their behavior

So many people are weak in their lives
And seek guidance from the pedlars of hope
As you know I used to go there myself
Until the day I became antipope

We're gonna have some fun tonight
Let's spread the news around the town
That the vicar's a transvestite
With a fetish for ropes and gowns

I've got nothing against church
Or any people that go there and show that
They're ignorant, I don't understand
A congregation at weekends can change their behavior

Religion doesn't mean a thing
Its just another way of being right wing
I think sex films are okay
I don't dig that all the way

I've got nothing against church
Or any people that go there and show that
They're ignorant, I don't understand
A congregation at weekends can change their behavior

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Writer(s): ALASDAIR MACKIE WARD, CHRISTOPHER JOHN MILLAR, DAVID VANIAN, PHILLIP BURNS, RAYMOND IAN BURNS