If they could see me now, that little gang of mine
I'm eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top drawer, first rate chums I attract
All I can say is, "Wow-ee", looka where I am
Tonight, I landed, pow, right in a pot of jam

What a set up, holy cow, they'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now

If they could see me now, my little dusty group,
Traipsin' 'round this million dollar chicken coop
I'd hear those thrift shop cats say, "Brother, get her
Draped on a bed spread made from three kinds of fur"
All I can say is, "Wow, wait till the riff an' raff
See just exactly how he sign this autograph"

What a build up, holy cow, they'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now

If they could see me now, alone with Mister V
who's waiting on me like he was a maitre D
I'd hear my buddies saying, "Crazy, what gives?
Tonight she's living like the other half lives"
To think the highest brow, which I must say is he
Should pick the lowest brow, which there's no doubt is me

What a step up, holy cow, they'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now

They'd never believe it
They'd never believe it, if my friends could see me now
Hi girls, it's me, Charity

Copyright: Downtown Music Publishing, WORDS & MUSIC A DIV OF BIG DEAL MUSIC LLC
Writer(s): Cy Coleman, D. Fields