Ladies and gentlemen
May I have your attention, please?
Are your nostrils a-quivering, tingling
As well at that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell?
Yes they are, I can tell
Well, ladies and gentlemen
That aroma enriching the breeze
Is like nothing compared to its succulent source
As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course
Ladies and gentlemen
You can't imagine the rapture in store
Just inside of this door!

There you'll sample
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies
Savory and sweet pies
As you'll see
You who eat pies
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies
Conjure up the treat pies
Used to be!

Over here, boy, how about some ale?

Let me have another, laddie! (Tell me, are they flavorsome?)

Right away (they are)

Could we have some service over here, boy? (Could we have some service, waiter?)

What about that pie, boy? (God that's good!)

Thruppence for a meat pie?

Toby!

Coming!
'Scuse me

Ale, there!

Right, Mum!

Quick now!

God, that's good!

Nice to see you, dearie
How have you been keeping?
Cor, me bones is weary!
Toby, one for the gentleman!
Hear the birdies cheeping
Helps to keep it cheery
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!

God, that's good!

What's your pleasure, dearie?
No, we don't cut slices
Cor, me eyes is bleary!
Toby!
None for the gentleman!
I could up me prices
I'm a little leery
Business couldn't be better, though

God, that's good!

Knock on wood

Psst!

Excuse me

Psst!

Dear, see to the customers

Psst!

Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk

But it's six o'clock!

So it's six o'clock

It was due to arrive
At a quarter to five

And it's six o'clock! And it's probably already down the block!
It'll be here, it'll be here! (I've been waiting all day!)
Have a beaker of beer
But it should have been here (and stop worrying, dear)
By now! Now, now (more hot pies!)

Will you wait there cooly (you'll come back when it comes)
'Cause my customers truly are getting unruly

And what's your pleasure, dearie?
Oops! I beg your pardon!
Just me hands is smeary
Toby!
Run for the gentleman!
Don't you love a garden?
Always makes me teary
Must be one of them foreigners

God, that's good!
That is delicious!

What's my secret
Frankly, dear, forgive my candor
Family secret
All to do with herbs
Things like being careful with your coriander
That's what makes the gravy grander!

More hot pies!
More hot!
More pies!

Psst!

Excuse me

Psst!

Dear, see to the customers

Psst!

What, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk

But it's here!

It's where?

Coming up the stair!

I'll get rid of this lot
As they're still pretty hot

And then I'll be there! (It's about to be opened or don't you care?)
No, I'll be there!
I will be there! (But, we have to prepare!)
But they'll never be sold
If I let 'em get cold

And, oh!
Incidentally, dearie
You know Mrs. Mooney
Sales've been so dreary
Toby!
Poor thing is penniless
What about that loony?
Lookin' sort of beery
Oh, well, got her comeuppance
And that'll be thruppence and

God, that's good, that is de- (so she should)
Have you -licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God, what more that's pies good!

Ooh, ooh

Is that a chair fit for a king
A wondrous neat (it's gorgeous!)
And most particular chair? (It's gorgeous)
You tell me where
Is there a seat
Can half compare (it's perfect!)
With this particular thing! (It's gorgeous!)
I have a few
Minor adjustments (you make your few)
To make (minor adjustments)
They'll take
A moment (you take your time)
I'll call you (I'll go see to the customers)
I have another friend

Is that a pie fit for a king
A wondrous sweet (it's gorgeous!)
And most particular thing? (It's gorgeous!)
(Yum!) You see, ma'am, why
There is no meat pie
Can compete (it's perfect!) (Yum!)
With this delectable pie! (It's gorgeous!) (Yum!)

The crust all velvety and wavy (Yum! Yum!)
That glaze, those crimps (Yum! Yum!)
And then the thick, succulent gravy (Yum! Yum!) (And now to test)
One whiff, one glimpse (Yum! Yum!) (This best of barber chairs)

So thick (so tender) (yum!) (It's time)
It makes you sick (that you surrender) (It's time)

Psst!

Excuse me

Psst!

Dear, see to the customers

Psst!

Yes, what, love?

Quick, now!

Me heart's aflutter!

When I pound the floor

When you pound the floor

It's a signal to show
That I'm ready to go (yes, you told me, I know)
When I pound the floor! You'll be ready to go
When you pound the floor
Will you trust me?
I just want to be sure (Will you trust me?)
I'll be waiting below
When I'm certain that you're in place (for the whistle to blow)

I'll pound three times
Three times
And then you
Three times
If you
Exactly

More hot pies!

Gawd!

More hot!

Right!

More pies!

Psst!

More!

Wait!

Psst!

More hot pies!
More hot! More pies!
More! Hot! Pies!

Eat them slow and
Feel the crust, how thin she/I rolled it
Eat them slow, 'cause
Every one's a prize!
Eat them slow, 'cause
That's the lot and now we've sold it!
Come again tomorrow!

Hold it!

More hot pies!

Bless my eyes!

Right this way, sir

Fresh supplies!

How about it, dearie? (Is that a pie) (Yum!)
Be here in a twinkling (fit for a king) (Yum!)
Just confirms my theory (a wondrous sweet) (Yum!)
Toby! (And most delectable thing?) (Yum! Yum!)
God watches over us
Didn't have an inkling (you see, Mum?) (Yum!)
Positively eerie (why there is no meat pie?) (Yum!)

Toby!
Throw the old woman out!

God, that's good that is de- have you
-Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God, what perfect more that's
Pies such flavor
God, that's good!

Copyright: Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Writer(s): Stephen Sondheim